My love for myself is conditional
I see a juggler with 8 balls bouncing them away with such ease
And here I am crying myself to sleep
You call me a manipulator
With something up my sleeve
When all I want is love
From every hater
My love for myself is conditional
Now I see a guy blowing fire out of his mouth
While I am trying to sleep
But my tears keep coming
He blows fire to entertain
You say my angry fire blows up your terrain
I have all this love for others I can no longer contain
But you say it’s all in vain
I make sacrifices but to you all I do is complain
I hate my conditional love for myself
But it all I got in this moment in time
You say I have it all wrong
I don’t love others completely
But I say I must first accept my own beauty and grime
I have many talented acts that are under the surface
But my imperfect spirit of fiery love still emits sweetly
I hate my conditional love for myself
Sometimes every fallen scrapped foot swells
Sometimes every broken glass gets stuck to your skin
Sometimes every bug bite stings so much
Will my will change for the others I care for?
Will my vision of compassion and mercy become a blur?
Sometimes I am not too sure
When I have been down this road before
I want to care despite of people’s false accusations of me
But it’s harder than you’ll ever know
I care too much what others think about me
I used to just sit pretty and smile
But now I am gathering up my ammo
Father, forgive me
I need to know this presence of life force within the world is worthwhile
(C) Carly Wiggins 2017
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